COMIC SHOP ROMANCE 2: BOTTLE
By Matthew Craig
mattscrew@hotmail.com

PAGE ONE

Six panels. External shots. It’s late October/early November, just after six o’clock in the evening. So it should already be quite dark.

Panel One

Feet, clad in sturdy black shoes, running along the pavement on a busy main road. Our RUNNER is in a terrible hurry. We don’t see above the Runner’s knees.

1. CAPTION:	So for six long, happy months, I had been leaping off the Works Bus at ten past six on a Thursday evening, and running – RUNNING! to the comic shop before it closed.

Panel Two

From the runner’s POV (so we don’t see his face). The runner checks his watch. It reads 6:12.

	2. RUNNER:	Faster…must go faster…
	3. CAPTION:	I am prepared to admit, of course, that I am a pathetic comics 
junkie, who can’t wait until Saturday to get his fix…

Panel Three

The Runner weaves between a pair of elderly pedestrians, who shamble out of the way. We can see a little bit more of him, now – but not his face (we see him from behind). He runs with a thundering, ungainly gait towards a busy road junction.

4. CAPTION:	I consoled myself with the knowledge that all this spontaneous (and near-suicidal) exercise wasn't about me being some pathetic addict…
Panel Four

We pull back some distance, to see two bicycle couriers bombing along the road, at a right angle to our Runner. Their paths are about to intersect; they’re heading for a collision. Our Runner runs out into the middle of the road.

	5. CAPTION:	…I had a proper, grown-up reason for running to the shop.

Panel Five

From behind our Runner, we see the couriers bearing down on him. He stands in the middle of the road, frozen in their weak headlights, a dark silhouette against the bright background of their dayglo cycling gear.

6. CAPTION:	After all, there was no better night to be there than Thursday.

Panel Six

The Runner jumps onto his tippy-toes and throws his arms wide, in a kind of a clumsy Jesus-does-Michael Jackson pose. The bikes sail harmlessly by, their riders oblivious to what just happened.

7. CAPTION:	All the schoolkids were safely anaesthetized in front of their cartoons and homework (ha ha ha)….

Panel Seven

Small panel, this, just to lead us onto Page Two. The Runner kicks off and starts running, again. You might want to use the same image you drew for Panel One; you might not.

	NO COPY

PAGE TWO

Panel One

Our Runner skids comedically around the corner, onto the street with the comic shop on it. It’s the only shop still open, and light spills out onto the darkened street, a glorious beacon to a weary pulphound.

1. CAPTION:	…the new comics were on the shelves, fresh, untouched, and ready for the reading …

Panel Two

From inside the shop, we see our Runner push the shop door inwards. For the first time, we see that it is MATT CRAIG, looking much the same as he did in the last instalment, apart from a jolly jack tar beard, the colour of ancient rust, swarming over his jowls and chin. His cheeks are flushed from running; a thin layer of sweat covers his brow. He’s out of shape.

	2. CAPTION:	…and the only other person in the shop was her.

Panel Three

Nice big shot of the inside of the shop, from Matt’s POV (or as near as damnit). Much the same layout as before. There are five people in the shop, including Matt: there’s DADDY COOL, at the back of the store on panel left. He’s 25-30, Indian, and dressed like an optician. Think “Peter Parker in Amazing Fantasy 15.” There’s PERVY GUY, who we saw in the last story, checking out the porno comics. He’s accompanied by MRS PERVY GUY, a small, slightly impatient thirtysomething Asian woman. And finally, there’s TESS. She’s leaning on the counter, looking thoroughly bored. It’s 6.20, and Closing Time can’t come fast enough.

	TITLE:			COMIC SHOP ROMANCE 2: BOTTLE
	CREDITS:			WRITTEN BY: MATTHEW CRAIG
					ART: LEANN HILL
LEGEND (dictionary-style):	Bottle, Losing One’s – (UK) a phenomenon described as a sudden loss of courage or intestinal fortitude; abject cowardice; shitting one’s pants and running away
	3. CAPTION:			And there she is.

PAGE THREE

Panel One

Matt nonchalantly saunters into the shop, sweat pouring off his brow. His face is still very red. He smiles a little at Tess, raising his eyebrows in silent greeting. She responds with a weak little half-wave.

1. CAPTION:	Six months of nervous flirting had gotten me as far as finding out her name.

Panel Two

Matt walks past Mr & Mrs. Pervy Guy, on his way to the back of the store.

2. CAPTION:	Not that I had managed to, y’know, ask her directly.

Panel Three

The colour fading from his cheeks, Matt starts to run a finger across the GN shelves at the back of the store (panel left). Daddy Cool leans against the wall at the back of the shop, reading some crappy licensed toy comic.

3. CAPTION:	But when you’re as shy as I am around women, you learn to become extremely observant. Sherlock bloody Holmes, in fact.

Panel Four

Matt pulls out a graphic novel (entitled “MOIR”), and starts reading the back page blurb.

4. CAPTION:	And thanks to my prodigious earwigging ability (I listened in on a conversation or two), I had found out her name.

Panel Five

Matt looks over at Tess; she’s serving Pervy Guy. Mrs. Pervy Guy taps her feet impatiently, and looks at her watch.

5. CAPTION:	Say hello, then, to Tess Bailey.

Panel Six

Mr. & Mrs. Pervy Guy leave: Tess looks over towards Matt, and smiles a bit.

6. CAPTION:	No, really. Go over and say hello, you spineless pillock.

PAGE FOUR

Panel One

Matt turns back to the graphic novels, and grabs another one.

1. CAPTION:	Goddamn it. Now I look like a stalker.

Panel Two

Matt half-heartedly examines this second book (entitled “THE TUG”), and cursing under his breath, despairs at his lack of bottle.

2. CAPTION:	But how else are you going to explain knowing her name, dimwit? 

Panel Three

Matt puts his free hand to his head, as if to wipe away some of the remaining sweat. In reality, he’s performing a slow-motion “D’Oh!”

3. CAPTION:	She’s not going to be convinced by your dumb act when she tells you her name, and you do the fake “Oh, what a nice and wholly unexpected name” face.

Panel Four

Matt takes a deep breath, clutches the books to his chest, runs his fingers through his hair, and turns towards the till (!).

4. CAPTION:	Just relax, Hero Boy. Relax and do your thing.

Panel Five

Matt puts the books down on the counter, and smiles at Tess.

5. MATT:	Hiya. Can I pick up my standing order, please?
6. CAPTION:	Just remember your power animal. Be The Fonz. Be The Fonz.

Panel Six

Tess turns towards the pull box, while Matt looks around, trying to act nonchalantly.

7. TESS:	Sure. I’ll just dig it out for you.
8. MATT:	uhkay.
9. CAPTION:	“Be The Fonz.” Jesus. No wonder I’m single…

PAGE FIVE

Panel One

Tess pulls a handful of comics out of the box, and slaps them down on the counter.

1. TESS:	Is that it? Will there be anything else?
2. MATT:	ah…
3. CAPTION:	…just a lifetime of love and warmth, regular donkey sex and a brood of little Craigys at your earliest convenience, you angel-eyed acme of female pulchritude…

Panel Two

Matt laughs the thought off, as Tess rings up the purchases.

4. MATT:	No. No, I’d better not spend any more money.
5. TESS:	Gotta save some for the weekend, then? £10.95, by the way.
6. CAPTION:	Yes, because we’re going to Bognor Regis for cold chips and hot loving.

Panel Three

Matt shuffles nervously, as he writes his cheque.

7. MATT:	Well, yeah, I suppose I better had.
8. TESS:	Ooh. Have you got a hot date, then?
9. CAPTION:	Shitecakes! She’s actually interested in my love life! Don’t puke and faint, Hero Boy, don’t puke and faint…

Panel Four

Matt looks up, hope beaming out of his face.

10. MATT:		No. Believe it or not, I don’t.
11. CAPTION:	…try not to sound desperate…

Panel Five

Tess makes a slightly surprised “oh really?” face, and leans into the counter.

12. TESS:		Oh. Okay, then.
13. CAPTION:	Oh. Shite!

Panel Six

Same panel. A meaningful gaze.

14. MATT:		uhhh…
15. CAPTION:	Askheroutaskheroutaskheroutaskherout…

Panel Seven

Matt points at the comics; the moment is broken.

15. MATT:		Can I have a bag for these, please?
16. CAPTION:	You’re going to die a virgin.

PAGE SIX

Panel One

Tess hands Matt the bag of comics.

1. TESS:	There you go.
2. MATT:	Thanks. I’ll…see you next week.
3. CAPTION:	Look, just ask her out. What’s the worst that can happen?

Panel Two

Imaginary panel: Tess punches Matt square in the solar plexus, knocking him off his feet, Matrix style. Matt is lifted bodily off the ground, goggle-eyed.

4. TESS:	Pervert!
5. SFX:	POW.

Panel Three

Matt turns to leave, despondent. Tess watches him leave.

6. TESS:	Oh, bye, then.
7. MATT:	Yeah. Bye.
8. CAPTION:	Idiot. Idiot geek bastard.

Panel Four

Matt gets to the door, and stops to think. Behind his head, Tess waves at Daddy Cool, off-panel.

9. CAPTION:	Is this how it’s going to be? Are you just going to walk away from this woman? From every woman you get a crush on? What if this is it? What if this is your best chance at a happy life, and all you have to do is reach out and grab it?

Panel Five

Close in a bit, as Matt mulls this over. Behind his head, Tess moves off-panel, towards the back of the shop.

10. CAPTION:	Don’t do it. Don’t risk missing your chance. Don’t let this one get away. You owe it to yourself to at least try. Be a goddamn man. Just this once.

Panel Seven

Matt steps back into the shop, determined to do the right thing. But she’s not there.

	11. CAPTION: Right, then. Here goes.

Panel Eight

Small panel. Matt looks towards the back of the shop, and eyes wide, he sees something terrible.

13. MATT(sotto voce):	oh, no…

PAGE SEVEN

Panel One

From Matt’s POV: Tess is locked in a passionate embrace with Daddy Cool.

1. CAPTION:	Oh shit, Sherlock.

Panel Two

Reverse angle. In the extreme foreground, and out of focus: Tess and Daddy Cool, snogging. In the background, just inside the shop door: Matt’s shoulders slump, crestfallen.

2. CAPTION:	She was already seeing the shop manager. A man so nerdy, he really did make me look like The Fonz. So much for my powers of observation..

Panel Three

Matt turns to leave, closing the shop door behind him.

3. MATT(sotto):	Damn…
4. CAPTION:	I’d waited too long. I’d spent six months worrying about rejection. And in that time, Tess had gone out and found her own comic shop romance.

Panel Four

Matt walks up the street, away from the store. It’s quite dark now, and cold. Matt should be lit by streetlamps, as he walks home alone.

5. CAPTION:	So while Tess and Daddy Cool cosy up by the fire...

Panel Five

Pull the shot back a bit, to show more of the street. We should see Matt, a bit further up the street, walking under the next lamppost, as well as the light spilling out of the comic shop.

6. CAPTION:	…I get to go home, alone.

Panel Six

Last shot. The same angle as in Panel Five, but without Matt (perhaps the comic shop lights should go out, too).
 
7. CAPTION:	And comics aren’t much comfort for a broken heart…

END

Script, characters and situations © Matthew Craig.