SUPER HERO ALBION
By Matthew Craig
mattscrew@hotmail.com

INTRODUCTION

“Sometimes, what we do in defence of out country just isn’t cricket.”

In a future Britain made Republican, and united by disaster and tragedy, the nation’s greatest hero is Super Hero Albion. Faster than First Class Post, Stronger than Cheddar Cheese, and Able to Leap the Offside Trap in a Single Bound, Super Hero Albion has defended that most green and pleasant land for five busy years, working tirelessly for Truth, Justice and the MCC Way.

Super Hero Albion’s belief in the United Republic is unshakable and unwavering. Twenty-Four hours a day, seven days a week, he is on call to protect us from man-made monsters and monsters made man.

And so the story begins…

PAGE ONE

A nice, easy five-panel page to start the story. An establishing shot of Future London sets the scene of our story. Then the serenity of the scene is disrupted by the sounds of Violence.

I’d like the first panel to go to full-bleed, across the top third of the page. The other four panels lead into the big reveal on Page Two, and should interlock in some way. Panel Five, which is the bottom right hand panel of the page, should probably also go to full-bleed.

Panel One

Establishing shot of The City of London, from above, as if in a helicopter. We’re looking along the River Thames, from downstream of the Houses of Parliament to a bit further upstream.

1. CAPTION:	The City of London. October the 1st, 2025 AD.

Panel Two

We move down in front of The Houses of Parliament, as if preparing to land. We’re still above the thing, though. Big Ben needs to be in shot: you’ll see why in a minute.

2. VOICE (off-panel):	HRRRRRRRRRAAAAAHHH!! Ruuun, you idiots! RUUUN!

Panel Three

Some way behind the Houses of Parliament, a large explosion rocks the virtual camera.

3. SFX:	SBASHH!
4. SFX:	BOOM!

Panel Four

Desecration of A National Monument #1: a figure hurtles through the top of Big Ben’s clocktower, circumcising it…

5. SFX:	SKASSHH!
6. FIGURE:	GGERRRRFF!

Panel Five

Desecration of a National Monument #2: the figure arcs down into Parliament Square, and lands on – smashes through – the statue of Sir Winston Churchill.

7. SFX:	BLAMM.

PAGE TWO

Four panel page: a nice big splash image of SUPER HERO ALBION (SHA), and three inset panels.

Panel One

Splash image: Super Hero Albion, slightly dazed, lying in the rubble of Churchill’s Statue, the old bulldog’s head in his lap. Make as much of this image as you can.

	LEGEND:	SUPER HERO ALBION Created By Matthew Craig

Panel Two

Super Hero Albion looks down, and sees Churchill’s head looking up at him from his crotch/lap like an odd case of the clap. Churchill’s eyes stare off into the distance. His avuncular grin makes this particular image just that little bit too creepy.

1. SUPER HERO ALBION:	Hmm…sometimes a cigar is just a cigar…

Panel Three

Super Hero Albion reaches down and tugs on the cigar, pulling it out a few inches, and exposes a flashing LED. The head is a grenade, and SHA has just primed it to go off.

2. SHA:		And sometimes…
	3. VOICE (off-panel):	Where are ya?

Panel Four

THE PURLEY KING smashes through the bottom of Big Ben, bearing down on Super Hero Albion. He’s a big scary skinhead, all beetle-brow and scarred knuckles.

4. PURLEY KING:	Cahhm ‘ere, you cahhhnt!

PAGE THREE

Six panel page. In terms of layout, I suggest making it a mirror of Page Two, with a splash image at the bottom of the page.

Panel One

Super Hero Albion bowls the head, full toss, at The Purley King. It is important that this looks like a cricket-style overarm bowl, not a baseball-style pitch.

	NO COPY

Panel Two

The head bounces once, and the Purley King takes the catch - -

	NO COPY

Panel Three

- - and holds the head aloft, triumphant.

1. PURLEY KING:	Howzaaaat!

Panel Four

Super Hero Albion points at the flashing LED.

	NO COPY

Panel Five

The monsterman looks up, and the terrible realisation of what he’s done penetrates his feeble brain.
 
2. SHA:	…it’s a grenade.

Panel Six

Boom.

3. SFX:	BOOM

PAGE FOUR

Four panels, leading us out of the introduction and into the story proper. In the original version of this story, this scene led into a title page, riffing off the old Fleischer Superman cartoons. I’ve taken it out, as it was just a bit too crap.

Panel Four, then, becomes doubly important, as it both acts as a full stop to the introduction, and leads us into the main story.

Panel One

The Purley King dealt with (read: blown to tiny bits), Super Hero Albion dusts himself down, and allows himself a smug grin. Then, a buzzer goes off on his belt.

	1. SHA:	Sorry, Winnie.
2. SFX:	Biddldldldldlding! Bidldldldldldlldldlding!

Panel Two

Pulling a headset device out of his belt, and putting it to his ear, SHA takes the call.

3. SHA:	Yes. Yes Mr. President, it’s been dealt with. Yes - - yes, Sir. I’m on my way.

Panel Three

A policeman comes up and berates SHA for all the wanton destruction. SHA responds with a cheery smile, before flying away…

4.POLICEMAN:	’ere! Look what you’ve done! You’ve smashed Winston Churchill to bits!
5. SHA:		Never mind, officer…

Panel Four

Super Hero Albion flies out of page, towards the reader. The policeman shakes his fist at the departing hero. We might even get a bit of a look at the blood-spattered rubble that was once Big Ben.

6. SHA:	…he was a big fan of the Blitz Spirit, after all.

PAGE FIVE

Before reporting to the President, Super Hero Albion takes to the skies, and flies in a bit of a circle, absorbing the sights, sounds and smells of London as a way to clean off the dust of his fight with the Purley King. It’s also a chance for use to see just how much the country has changed between now and then. And it has. Oh my, yes.

Panel One

Super Hero Albion flies over the City of London.

LEGEND:	Shoulder to Shoulder to Shoulder (Part One)

Panel Two

Flying over Trafalgar Square, Super Hero Albion passes by Beckham’s Column. The footballer-turned-war hero watches stoically over tourists and Londoners alike.
 
LEGEND:	Written By Matthew Craig

Panel Four

Swooping down to the other end of The Mall, we see that Buckingham Palace has been turned into the Al-Fayed Palace Hotel.

LEGEND:	Art by An Artist

Panel Five

Super Hero Albion lands at The Downing Street Complex. 10 Downing Street has expanded out into a much grander building, as befits a President.

1.	CAPTION:	The Downing Street Complex. Home of the President of 
the United Republic of Great Britain

PAGE SIX

Five-panel page, designed around Panel Three and Five. Panel Three is a Stolen From Alan Moore Special, where we have one big background panel, and multiple images of the characters moving through it. Panel Five is a real cliffhanger panel. Who could the nickname “King Billy” possibly refer to?

Panel One

Super Hero Albion walks through a complicated-looking security station, manned by Grenadier Guards. One of the guards waves him through. SHA nods in acknowledgment.

1. GUARD:	You’re expected, sir. Go straight in.
2. SHA:	Thank you.

Panel Two

Full-bleed panel. A long corridor, leading to the Operations room, with offices branching off on either side. The walls are decorated with pictures of Great British Heroes, like Fred Dibnah, Dame Carol Vorderman and Lord Adam Hart-Davies. We see Super Hero Albion, who is joined by an agitated-looking Downing Street lackey named DIMBLEBY, striding towards the right-hand edge of the page (and towards the reader). We see the men at three points along the corridor: Far, Middle, and Near.

Far:

3. DIMBLEBY:	Good morning, sir.
4. SHA:		Good morning, Dimbleby.

Middle:

5. SHA:		How is the Old Man this morning?
6. DIMBLEBY:	He’s worried, sir.

Near: Still walking, SHA turns to look at Dimbleby, who responds by wincing, and clutching his papers closer to his chest.

7. SHA:	Worried? What could King Billy possibly be worried about?
8. DIMBLEBY:	Please don’t call him that, sir: it’s a bit of a sore point, as you know.

Panel Three

SHA yanks open a door into the Operations Room, Prisoner-style, and stalks through. 

9. SHA:	Fine. But what could bother a man as brave as President Windsor?

Panel Four

They turn, reacting to a voice off-panel.

10. VOICE (off-panel):	These days?

PAGE SEVEN

Six panel page. I’d like the reveal of President Windsor to stand out, as it gives us a chance to really make the point that this is Not The World We Know. It’s also a chance to show off the busy Ops room, too.

Panel One

Super Hero Albion turns and sees PRESIDENT WILLIAM WINDSOR, signing a piece of paper for a lackey.

1. PRESIDENT:	Only my prostate.

Panel Two

Super Hero Albion salutes the President, who responds in kind. Dimbleby minces off-panel.

2. SHA:	You asked to see me, sir?

Panel Three

President Windsor beckons SHA to sit down, while activating a large monitor behind his desk.

3. PRESIDENT:	Take a look at this, Albion.

Panel Four

The monitor flickers on, showing the British Isles from high up, a bit like a weather map. There’s a HUGE hole where Scunthorpe used to be.

4. PRESIDENT:	You’re familiar with The Humberside Crater, of course.

Panel Five

Sitting down on the opposite side of the President’s desk, SHA’s eyes narrow. Seeing the Crater brings back painful memories.

5. SHA:	Thirty thousand people dead. Thousands more evacuated to other parts of the country. A hole in the ground so radioactive, we’ve had to post armed guards around it. All because of substandard American workmanship.

Panel Five

The President sits down opposite SHA.

6. PRESIDENT:	Not…exactly.

PAGE EIGHT

This is The Page Of Exposition. I’ve tried to keep it short, so that the background can be revealed a bit at a time through the course of the story. Six panels.

Panel One

The President leans in, to tell us the plot.

1. PRESIDENT:	The American satellite that crashed and destroyed Scunthorpe fifteen years ago wasn’t defective. It didn’t malfunction. It was brought down.

Panel Two

Super Hero Albion reacts, horrified. The world he knew has just lost one of its cornerstones.

2. SHA:	What? By whom?

Panel Three

The President presses another button, and the picture behind him changes.

3. PRESIDENT:	We don’t know. Originally, we thought it was a freak accident. A meteorite, perhaps.

Panel Four

SHA doesn’t like where this is going. He has a sinking feeling in his stomach.

4. SHA:	And now?

Panel Five
The President turns to the monitors, which display a map of the Exclusion Zone around the Humberside Crater. A blue X, twenty miles north of the crater, stands out ominously.

5. PRESIDENT:	Early this morning, an Army patrol van carrying five soldiers in full NBC gear went missing in the Northern sector of the Exclusion Zone around the crater.

Panel Six

Close on SHA: eyes narrowed, in horror at the scene unfolding on the screen.

6. PRESIDENT (cont.):	A rescue vehicle was dispatched when they didn’t report back to base: this is what they discovered…
7. SHA:			Oh, God…

PAGE NINE

This page is where It All Gets A Bit Scary. There’s no dialogue on this page, because it doesn’t need any. We’re seeing what Super Hero Albion sees. He’s looking at Helmet-Cam footage of the lost Army patrol vehicle, captured by the rescue team.

It’s harrowing stuff, and it needs to give the reader pause for thought.

I want to leave the layout of the page up to you, but we need to see one complete picture of the van (and the carnage that surrounds it), and a number of close-ups of the important bits. Feel free to add bits, as long as they add to the shock factor of the page. The handprint snapshot ought to be at the bottom right hand corner of the page, though.

Panels One to End

The picture changes once again, showing a scene of utter devastation and horror. Helmet cameras tell the story: the patrol van has been torn open like a bag of Salt and Vinegar Crisps. 

There’s a body in the cabin at the front of the van, crushed against the steering wheel. 

Another soldier has been smashed against the side of the van, his brains and sinus fluid a greasy smear.

There’s evidence of gunfire: one soldier has his gun shoved halfway up his arsehole.

As if any further confirmation were needed of the terrible reality of the situation, a bloody handprint on the side of the van seals the deal.

	NO COPY

PAGE TEN

A six panel Page of Righteous Indignation. Super Hero Albion takes this whole thing very personally, for reasons that we will come on to in Part Two. With that in mind, it might be worth designing this page around Panels Three and Six.

Panel One

We pull back from the handprint shot, to show Super Hero Albion watching the monitors. Horrified, he’s on the edge of his seat. He points to the screen, and addresses the President.

1. SHA:	Who did this?

Panel Two

The President flicks off the monitor.

2. PRESIDENT:	We still don’t know. But judging by the footprints found leading up to the van, we believe that whatever it was, it came out of the Humberside Crater.

Panel Three

SHA leaps from his seat, and strides towards the exit.

3. SHA:	I’m going to send it straight back there.

Panel Four

The President stops him.

4. PRESIDENT:	We still don’t know exactly what crawled out of that radioactive pit. To bring down a satellite in its orbit, and spend ten years buried alive…this thing might be more powerful, even, than you.

Panel Five

SHA turns back to the President. His emotions are close to the surface: his hands are tensed into an almost claw-like shape. Super Hero Albion is itching to get this bastard.

5. SHA:	Sir, it took the country years to recover from the Humberside Disaster. We can’t risk it happening a second time. It may already be halfway to York by now.

Panel Six

The President relents.

6. PRESIDENT:	Fine. But you won’t go in alone. The Americans have…well…they’ve sent help.

PAGE ELEVEN

Five panel page. A nice wide shot of RAF Cosford (which is where my brother Chic was stationed, when he first took the Queen’s Shilling), then four panels of equal size leading up to the big reveal on Page Twelve.

Panel One

Establishing shot: RAF Cosford, mid-afternoon. The sky hangs grey and pendulous. Super Hero Albion swoops in from the South, ready to land near a waiting Hercules.

	NO COPY

Panel Two

Landing, he is greeted by a CORPORAL, who offers him a salute.

1. CORPORAL:	Good morning, sir. It’s an honour to meet you.
2. SHA:		Is he here?

Panel Three

SHA and the Corporal walk towards the Herc.

3. CORPORAL:	Yes, sir. He’s already on board the Herc. He’s not a flier, sir.

Panel Four

Arriving at the back of the Herc, the Corporal directs SHA up the ramp.

4. SHA:		Then how did he get here so fast?
5. CORPORAL:	ICBM, sir. Faster than British Rail, and less likely to crash.

Panel Five

SHA boards the plane (we move POV to inside the plane, so we see SHA stepping up the ramp).

6. SHA:		Oh, well. At least he won’t get airsick.
7. VOICE (off-panel):	I wouldn’t be so sure about that - -

PAGE TWELVE

A seven-panel page. It’s not as busy as it seems, though. Make as much as you can out of the reveal in Panel One.

Panel One

We reverse the perspective, again, and meet AMERICAN WAYNE for the first time. He’s drinking Bovril, and he don’t like it. He raises the mug in greeting to Super Hero Albion.

1. WAYNE:	- - this drink your boy out there gave me tastes like jockstraps.

Panel Two

SHA and American Wayne shake hands.

2. SHA:	Super Hero Albion.
3. WAYNE:	I’m American Wayne. My predecessor spoke very highly of you.

Panel Three

They sit down opposite each other, as the ramp closes.

4. SHA:	Really? Hmm.
5. SHA:	I was sorry to hear about his accident, by the way.

Panel Four

Wayne takes another sip of filthy, filthy Bovril.

6. WAYNE:	We all thought he was invulnerable. Not like you or I invulnerable. Special.

Panel Five

SHA picks up a newspaper, and idly scans the front cover. The back cover, incidentally, reads “Aston Villa sign Bill Owen!”

7. SHA:	I visited America shortly after the accident. I couldn’t stay long: it reminded me too much of York after the Humberside Disaster. Everyone looked like they had lost a friend of the family.

Panel Six

AW hangs his head.

8. WAYNE:	Yeah. We had.
9. SHA:	Oh. Feel that?

Panel Seven

We watch from the runway, as the plane takes off.

10. CAPTION:	“Chocks Away.”

PAGE THIRTEEN

Some time passes between the end of Page Twelve, and the start of Page Thirteen, so the opening shot should be probably set against a darker sky (especially considering they’re flying North). It’s a six-panel page of mainly talking heads, so let’s make the most of the business I’ve given them, as well as the uneasiness that American Wayne is feeling. Does he know more than he’s letting on?

Panel One

Full-bleed: the Hercules in flight.

1. CAPTION:	“So why did they send you to help?”

Panel Two

Super Hero Albion pours himself a cup of filth from a Thermos, awaiting an answer. Wayne wrings his hands, nervously.

2. WAYNE:	I guess it was because the satellite was one of ours. The President…our President…felt that his own predecessors never quite did enough to make it up to Britain.

Panel Three

Taking a sip of filth, SHA presses the point.

3. SHA:	America did a great deal for us, back then. I didn’t see Australia or Canada paying for half our refugee housing projects.

Panel Four

Wayne picks up a folder, and starts picking out papers.

4. WAYNE:	No, I guess not. They were too busy bombing each other, I suppose.

Panel Five

Wayne hands SHA some papers: A4-sized blueprints of a Classified nature.

5. WAYNE:	These are the basic plans of the Aguila satellite. My government wanted us to know just how tough this hombre might be, so they showed me how much power the reactor was pumping into the thing.

Panel Six

SHA looks over the blueprints, and discovers something shocking.

6. SHA:	There were living quarters on this thing. I didn’t know that.

PAGE FOURTEEN

Seven panels, and more talking heads…technically. Of course, there’s not a goddamn reason on earth that this should look dull. We want to feel sympathy for both Super Hero Albion and American Wayne. We’re setting up emotional touchstones for Parts Two and Three. But most importantly of all, we’re setting up for the cliffhanger on Page Fifteen. So what we need to do is keep the reader interested. So no photstat heads. These are People, doing Things, while Talking.

Panel One

American Wayne puts down the folder

1. WAYNE:	No, well, it wasn’t common knowledge. The satellite was to have been the first step in the construction of a new American Space Station. We has just gotten interested in going back to space, before it came down

Panel Two

Super Hero Albion gets up, in order to stretch his legs.

2. SHA:	Yeah. That was a shame, that. The disaster brought my country together in a way that we hadn’t since the end of the last World War. Meanwhile, your people were backbiting and infighting over Post-Millennial Guilt.

Panel Three

SHA turns, and pounds his fist into his palm – not in an Adam West-y manner, I should say.

3. SHA:	I swear, if this…whoever…is the bastard responsible for crashing that satellite, I’m going to bloody have ‘im.

Panel Four

SHA wanders up towards the front of the plane. In the foreground, Wayne reaches for the Thermos.

4. SHA:	We must be nearly there, by now - - hey. Wait a minute.
5. WAYNE:	What?

Panel Five

SHA turns to AW.

5. SHA:	How do you know what jockstraps taste like?
Panel Six

Wayne half-smiles. SHA cocks his head, as if listening to something.

6. WAYNE:	I went to Yale - - say, do you hear that?
7. SHA:	Yeah. Sounds like something flying towards us. Like a plane, maybe, or a m - -

PAGE FIFTEEN

This is the last page of Part One of the story. We end on a cliffhanger. It’s kind of a cheat, because the threat to our heroes is minimal. There are, however, two pilots at the front of the plane who are going to need some serious rescuing at the start of Part Two. But we don’t need to worry about that, just now. I want this page to be like an unexpected punch in the jaw from your Granny. Rattle some teeth. Panels One and Two to full-bleed; Panel Four should really stand out on the page.

Panel One

SMASH! A new-model Mini (new to us; old to the people of 2025) smashes through the back of the Hercules, destroying the tail, and ripping a sucking gut wound in the belly of the plane. It misses our heroes by inches.

1. SHA:	- - MISSILE!

Panel Two

Full bleed panel. The plane, crippled beyond hope, goes into a nosedive.

Panel Three

Super Hero Albion and American Wayne grab hold of the fixtures and fittings as the wind threatens to suck them out of the plane (both heroes are on their feet).

2. SHA:	WELL, HE KNOWS WE’RE HERE, NOW!
3. WAYNE:	I RECKON SO.

Panel Four

We pull back, and see the damage that the missile has done to the plane. We pull back far enough that we can see the ground, too, approaching at gathering speed. Inside the plane, the two heroes look at each other.

4. WAYNE:		WELL, WHAT DO WE DO NOW?
5. SHA:		…
6. SHA (cont.):	I’M OPEN TO SUGGESTIONS.
	LEGEND:		To Be Continued!

END PART ONE

Super Hero Albion, American Wayne, © 2003 Matthew Craig

CHARACTER CONCEPTS

SUPER HERO ALBION – The Nation’s Greatest Hero, and he dresses like it. Sporting a Royal Blue shirt and Balaclava mask, and red leather boots and gloves. 

PRESIDENT WILLIAM WINDSOR - The British Monarchy has finally been deposed. Bonnie Prince Charlie the Second did for that when he disowned his entire family, and fucked off to live in Switzerland with ‘Er Indoors. The country, shellshocked until the start of EastEnders, shrugged, did a one-cheek-sneak, and went back to their lives. The first President of The British Isles is William Windsor, a fortysomething former prince who has inherited his mother's eyes and his father's hairline. He is going prematurely bald, but he still retains his mother’s gentle complexion.

AMERICAN WAYNE - “Look at me: I’m the reincarnated spirit of America. Ten thousand years ago, I was a mighty hunter, prowling new lands in search of buffalo and elk to feed to my tribe! But for the last eighty years, I’ve looked like Ronald McDonald and the Michelin Man had a crackbaby!”

Scenic Notes

DAVID BECKHAM’S COLUMN – Replaced Nelson’s Column after the Great War of 2005. Imagine Becks atop a tall plinth, a football trapped under his boot,, and a large rifle under his arm. The legend on the plinth reads “We Shall Not See His Like Again.”

THE AL-FAYED PALACE HOTEL – Somebody had to buy it, after all…

WINSTON CHURCHILL’S STATUE – To my knowledge, the real thing does not have a grenade for a head…

RAF COSFORD – Near Wolverhampton, in the West Midlands. It doesn’t look particularly special.

I freely admit that I have probably played a bit loose with the geography of the city of London. Any other landmarks you want to add/invent are fine by me.